I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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