We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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