I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
