I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
