A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
