This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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