fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
