good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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