I think im going to throw up on grandma
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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