I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
