he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
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