i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
