She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Randomize
