I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
