i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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