After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
