Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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