I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize