i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Drunk walkin through police station. America
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize