Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
