you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Randomize
