I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
