so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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