I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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