Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
