i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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