someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize