i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Randomize
