As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
