and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Randomize
