remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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