you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
