i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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