dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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