next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
