Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Randomize