Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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