i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
