Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
