You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
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