She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
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