true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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