Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
