Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
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