how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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