lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
