whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
