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The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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