Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
How's work?
Spinning.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize