my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
