Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
