You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
