I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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