oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
