Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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