Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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