Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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