I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
