I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
