i was rollin on her like bob the builder
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
