don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
