Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
