once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
