you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
