Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
