my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
